Dec 302014

Since the Dec 21st Winter Solstice, which scientists claimed was the longest night since 1912 in the Northern Hemisphere, daylight is lengthening again. And while Winter will still surely offer its share of darker, colder, and maybe even snowy days, it also holds the promise of more light returning – and gives us a chance, like other animals in this season, to cozy up, rest, and maybe make some rich “compost” of our 2014 experiences and stock up internally for our upcoming budding Spring and outwardly rich Summer ahead.

There are many deep rituals at this time of year, from the many diverse celebrations to a marked transition into the “New Year” (whenever it is for you according to your calendars). January 1st for many is marked with the special and ancient routine of reviewing our past year and setting up new intentions for the one ahead.

Have you ever wondered why year after year you are able to make some progress (or maybe leaps and bounds) in some areas of your life and not in others? 

Maybe you’re noticing that some patterns are deeper than others and hold you in a repetitive and reactive mode that seems very sticky and difficult to scratch from yourself.

Maybe, like me, you tried to set your intentions with the spirit and trust of “already experiencing what you most long for,” anchored strategies into the deeper aspirations/needs that your have for yourself and your life, created some vision boards, or set a myriad of to-achieve goals with doable steps in the hope of “finally” having the life you wanted.

Maybe, just like me, you dabbed into – or have a steady routine of – “positive affirmations,” “mantras,” gratitude practice, daily meditation, deep breathwork, Focusing, EFT, or physical, mindful movement practices like yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, maybe even some holistic modalities of Reiki and other energy healing options…

And maybe you have still found some areas of your life, or yourself, that just wouldn’t bulge or serve you and others in the ways you most longed for.

What I have found to be the greatest obstacle to any new flow and increased capacity to “make life more wonderful” was in my own mind. It was all rooted in one core belief that somehow I needed to be different … : a myriad of “I should be more….” (intelligent, productive, physically active, healthy, thin, fast …), more more more more… which in other areas, funny enough, was that I needed to be less … (egoistic, loud, outspoken, silly, etc…). In one word, I needed to … be other than “me.”

As long as any of my intentions to support a change in my life were grounded in a story of “should’”(be different than …), soon I was battling another “inner demon” or facing the same old one just slightly transformed. 

Marshall Rosenberg calls this orientation of inner (and outer) language the 4 Ds of Disconnection:

1. Diagnosis (judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison)

2. Denial of Responsibility (blame, finding fault, or “can’ts” )

3. Demand (“shoulds”)

4. Deserve (justifications of either punishments or rewards)

 406811_449662218413394_1685852943_nReady for some rich Winter Soup to Make Life More Wonderful?
(the cold is really bringing up a warm soup analogy in me today…)

All of the practices described above and more still are very rich ingredients to add to this. And to be with those repetitive patterns you are longing to change, here are some key ingredients I offer for consideration – from many great teachers:

  • Listen, listen, and listen some more (to yourself and to others). Welcome all expressions as they are and explore the gem behind it. Check out these pointers on Empathic Listening from a dear mentor of mine, Holley Humphrey. Consider listening the slow turning of that soup that makes it all come together…
  • Go on that exploration to find your inner voices, your core beliefs, your “shadows.” They long to be heard and held in tender arms as they hold deep keys to yourself. (*see below the downloadable journaling exercise written just for you!)
  • Add a large dose of radical self-acceptance. In the end, you are the one you are most longing to be accepted by. Of course it’s delicious when others do accept and love us. And sometimes we can’t even “feel” their love and acceptance when our own rejections and judgments are in the way. Tara Brach’s dharma talks are not only funny but right on this topic.
  • Sprinkle some “one-of-a-kind” advocacy. As Rachel Naomi Remen says, there is nothing “broken” or needing to be ”fixed” or even “healed” or “‘transformed” in you. You are uniquely you, attempting your best at all times.
  • Finally look for support! “It takes a village” … is oh so real. Find an accountability-empathy buddy who will also radically accept all of you and nurture you towards remembering to express more of yourself.

Lean over that pot, smell that soup … From here, what is your intuition telling you about yourself and your year ahead?

YOU are holding your own answers at all times. Listen inward to your deep wisdom.

May you enjoy a rich, fluid, rooted, and infused-with-love 2015.

Mali Parke
Core To Coeur Coaching
The Peace Circle Center

* Wanting more support diving into your core belief exploration? Here is a turn-of-the-year exercise, rooted in the work by Robert Gonzales, a CNVC-certified trainer (coming in the Philly area mid-February by the way!). I called it “Holding Light on Our Core Beliefs/Shadows When Holding Intentions for the New Year”. It is yours to keep and journal with!

** I’m an email away to support you one-on-one with individualized coaching, grounded in this practice of compassion, to embrace of all shadows and lights of you and provide a nurturing empowerment for you to express your truest form and essence.

*** Upcoming “RECLAIMING OURSELVES” mini-retreat and 8-week journeys available to women in the DC area, starting Feb 1. See all details here.

Feb 102012

Dive deep within yourself .. and live fully from your ‘coeur’ (heart)

Core2Coeur is official launched! Consider ‘signing-up’ to my mailing list to receive future updates … and forward to friends. Thank you!

2012 is fully ramping on. What makes you dream and thrive in your new year so far?

In our home, winter means that our kids are now well settled in their school routine, and life is at full throttle, sometimes with setbacks in projects if a kid is suddenly sick or need more care. Sunshine and warmth’s capricious appearances remind us to go out and play.  To take that deep fresh breath and slow down and remember that everything is anew in that moment.

Around us everywhere, individuals strive to look for what will get them closer to happiness, couples dream about progressing on some shared or individual goals, parents have their family’s needs at heart and focus on finding strategies that will work best for them all, teams at work are reassessing where they are, what’s to be completed, and possibly look ahead at what’s next.

All are striving to balance their individual needs with those of their partner, family, team, … world.

Maybe it’s a stressful time too.

Maybe tensions are rising about new desires or renewed energy around old projects that haven’t been tended to in a while. Maybe some routines need more tweaking, or extra activities in search of satisfaction leave us drained, tired, not-so-full after all at the end of the day.  Maybe we keep thinking ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ and go to bed at night not satisfied with ourselves. Does any of this sound like your life today?

Are you longing for more EASE, COOPERATION, HARMONY at home with your loved ones? Are you hoping to find that satisfying BALANCE between home and work? Or even find more HAPPINESS and FULLNESS in expressing your own talents and values each day? Are you deep down craving for more SUPPORT and COMPANIONSHIP?

If you need to take that deep breath, to attune to YOUR SELF, to re-prioritize your life and do more things that bring you alive, to live passionately your LIFE PURPOSE … support isn’t far away.

Dive to your CORE and explore what makes you uniquely you, your values, your dreams, your talents, your calling … and connect deeply with your COEUR (‘heart’ in French) to fully empower your life and balance connection with your self and others.

I recently pursued one of my own life dream and became a Certified* Professional Coach through a holistic coaching program called ‘Coaching for Transformation‘.  Adding my many years of training in Nonviolent Communication, I am excited to open my heart, listening and empathic ear, empowering curiosity and coaching practice to you – or someone you know.

Read more about my Life Coaching, Collaborative Communication workshops, Compassionate Parenting classes and Conscious Marketing consulting at and contact me or schedule a complimentary session today!

I would enjoy hearing back from you on what came alive for you reading this post … and any insight on meeting your needs better. Drop me a line!

Wishing you and your loved ones a connecting 2012 and to find wonders everyday.

Mali Parke, CPC
Core Life Coaching | Collaborative Communication | Compassionate Parenting & Ed. | Conscious Marketing
*International Coaching Federation (ICF) Certified – 2011