Oct 202016
 

“Ahimsa” (nonviolence) is the state of “having no enemy in our heart”.  I used to think “I don’t have enemies, this is not for me!”.   Most of us probably walk our lives without a real sense of having enemies.

And yet, – oftentimes* – behind each frustration, disappointment, hurt, we hold a story of what this person did “wrong” (or worse, what “I did wrong”) that is subtly , or not so subtly, playing its power of disconnect between us and this person/people.

For this post, I want to focus on these relationships with people we actually long to connect with, especially maybe long-time partners, or that special family member, or maybe even that child of ours. On these relationships where we retreat, withdraw, start not sharing what’s truly on our hearts, or where we experience continued frustration and anger, maybe a deep desire to see a change in that person’s behavior. These relationships where we can feel some disconnect.

What’s been interesting to me in my learning and practicing Nonviolent Communication over the years, is the truth process of hearing my own thoughts and distinguishing them from reality.

enemy-image-chess-pieceWhat I feel is real. But what I think is often not true.

What is most interesting in deciphering our thoughts and our stories, often about who’s right and wrong, is this second layer of “who’s fault is it?”.  Who is responsible for the pain, frustration, disappointment that we feel?  And have you experienced true lasting feelings of inner peace even when you “know” where the fault lies and who’s to blame for it?

I haven’t. We can sometimes experience temporary relief but I actually have come to experience now that this passation of fault, even when it feels really “right”, doesn’t offer the actual relief and healing/freedom from that situation or that person (even, and maybe more so with people we may have cut ties with).

This is what Marshall Rosenberg used to call “the Blame Game” in which there is winner.  It’s a lose-lose situation.

So how do we come back to a sense of inner peace and, from there, desire to relate to someone we either tell ourselves are ‘wrong’ or who we blame for our hurt?

Well, many practices can lead to this, but one of them is what Francois Beausoleil brings to DC in a two-day retreat on his Living Blame Free process and a specific focus on “Breaking Through High-Level Intensity Enemy Images”.

We will walk a discovery path of what are some of the meanings, labels and covers we apply onto someone else’s behaviors, words and actions – and ours. It will be the process of untangling the knots that cut our connections, dissipate the fog that keeps us far away, clear the lenses that we have created over our own eyes (and thanks to a what often feels a gazillion “proofs”!), and help us clear up the space between us.

The huge benefits of this clearing is, as Francois say, more than the Sum of the Two of Us.  Not only does it offer the clarity of what is truly being felt and needed for You and for this person alike. It offers actually the unique chance to come to synergy and develop a  brand-new and stronger way of relating that actually offers the chance to increase the well-being for the two of you.

Let’s go recover the actual joy of relating as the first day you met this person. Thriving together is possible.

This is the ‘Coeu’rageous journey I invite you to join us in taking.

Mali Parke
www.core2coeur.com
PS: *I write “oftentimes” because I want to note that there is more than just the stories we tell ourselves that play a role in why we would want to get closer or further away from someone. I am focusing here on the relationships that we actually engage in on a regular basis, the ones we want to heal or improve, and those where we will assume there is no true sense of danger. If you find yourself in a real sense of non-safety, please contact your support people for you to address what boundaries you need to put into place to help your system breathe and feel hopeful again.

====
EVENT INFORMATION

BREAKING THROUGH HIGH-LEVEL INTENSITY ENEMY IMAGES
A TWO DAY EXPLORATION WITH FRANCOIS BEAUSOLEIL  NOV 5 – 6 (Early Bird Ends Tomorrow Friday!)

Join us in DC Nov 5-6 for a two-day retreat! Space is limited to 15.

Early Bird ends Friday Oct 21.

Partial scholarships available. Discounts for 2 or 3 people signing up together. Do not let money be an obstacle.

Contact Mali with any questions.
Register Here

 

Apr 012015
 

Are you feeling deep energies shifting within you these days?

Do you sense new potential, new dreams re-energized, maybe some discomfort with projects or relationships that are not where you want them to be?

Do you have connections you are wishing greater ease or stronger agreements with and are resolved to put your attention to?

Spring has a way of reminding us of our own cyclic rhythm of death (letting go) and rebirth (creation) that we go through over and over in life.  

In Spring, it’s often the time to clean up our gardens from the leftover dead leaves that protected the soil, seeds, bulbs under their protective layers. It’s a time to open our windows wide and let that first soft breeze come and purify, detoxify our indoor spaces.  It’s a time we often do deep window cleaning too, let that glass be as clear as it can to give us the view on the outside world.

Can we follow this analogy in our own internal reality?

It’s a perfect time for questions such as “What can be composted from the learnings and experiences of my Winter? What can be let go of, transitioned, digested?” or What is here that needs my attention, dedication, voice to regain deeper clarity, spaciousness, energy?”

  • Write down a checklist of “what is it that I most long for? … What are some goals that have been dormant for a while?” Run over an overview of your contribution to life (work, purpose, volunteering .. what are the goals that you have to make ‘life more wonderful?”) , relationships (family, loved ones, friends, colleagues, ‘community’ … ), self-care (mind, heart, body .. how do you value and honor yourself?), re-creation (“how do I support my sense of aliveness, spirit, inspiration, creativity?”)

 

  • What are some of my deeper needs and values that I want to live more of this Spring?” Make a list of 3-5 “top” ones that you can’t live without.

 

  • Envision all that you would need to live them. It looks like the “what, when, where, how, with whom, etc..”. Check out what you need to bring within yourself, and what you need to request of another. Frame it in a positive language (envision what you want, not what you don’t want)

 

  • Start naming the smallest request you can make of yourself – or to another – that you can do this week. Something that you know the probability to say ‘no’ to is sufficient small that you predict is to be do-able, easy.

 

  • Any obstacle or hurdle on the horizon? Check what value of YOURS you are actually holding dear and would lose if you were not to do or say what this obstacle/hurdle is bringing you.  Tricky question. Call me if you stumble here.  Check that value/needs and see, if anything, what is really holding you today in it, what needs to be put under a shining light, what needs extra support or care to grow and transition to also hold these other goals and vision that you have for yourself.

 

  • If you got this far, check back in within: “Knowing both what I value/honor (even by default) in what is my obstacle (old habit or ‘what’s in the way’), and what I value in how I want to show up in life, what is my truth now in what needs to be done or said (to myself or to another)?”.

I hope this practice is supporting your inner Spring cleaning and brings you new spaciousness to see what new buds will grow this year!

300268_10152671486850431_1712138693_nIf you are seeking further clarity, understanding, hope, and movement forward with all that is stirring in you, contact me for a solo Pay-What-You-Can 30-Min coaching session (new clients) and bring the new buddings of your Life into full bloom! 

In joyful service,
Mali Parke, CPC
More about Coaching Here

Oct 052012
 

What a start of the new school year!  I hope you have all settled into this Fall season and are making yours and your loved one’s Life more beautiful each day!

After a very nurturing summer visiting my family of origin in France, the kids and I were thrilled to be back in a school routine where kids could enjoy their new amazing teachers (see picture at right of how my 2nd grader gets welcomed each day!) and where I could start focusing with more spaciousness on offers of support and service to parents, educators and individuals in my coaching and workshop practice.

I recently celebrated my first year anniversary of being Certified as a Professional Coach by the International Coaching Federation. This past year has been filled with joy, growth and learning as I enjoyed being of service to all the individuals who have trusted me in sharing their challenges and dreams.  You can read a few testimonials here.

If you long for some one-on-one support yourself in finding more ease and joy in your relationships, in aligning to your own life’s purpose or in transforming conflicts at home or at work, I offer coaching for parents, couples and individuals who are looking to live life from a more empowered presence as well as increase collaboration and partnerships in their relationships.

Join my mailing list today to get a 50% OFF coupon for a 40-min coaching session!

I also enjoyed reconnecting my previous career as a Marketing Manager with my life passion of living authentically and whole-heartedly connected to each other.  I have trained and am now offering marketing, social media, copywriting and business launch services grounded in that conscious exploration of what are the heart-values your business is offering to your clients and how to find that win-win solution that will make them choose you with joy! Contact me to know more about my marketing support packages.

As I type this, I am preparing to fly to CA to finish my third week-long BayNVC Leadership Training and I am thrilled at continuing to strengthen how to integrate and offer NVC principles and tools in my coaching and workshops.  I am happy to talk about my trainings and experience with NVC at anytime and at my monthly (free!) Empathy Cafés or during social events for the parent group that I organized since summer 2011 called ‘The Peace Circle’ which gathers for camping trips, potlucks and more around a vision of living and learning compassionate parenting.

Check my upcoming events below, including an 8-week “From Power Struggles to Cooperation” parenting series starting October 16th.

I would love to hear from you on how to better shape upcoming workshops (parenting or not) that will better meet your needs. Would you take one minute now to answer a few questions in my super-quick online survey here?

Finally, check how to stay in touch with ‘Core To Coeur – Mali Parke, CPC’ news in the future (hint: it gives you better control on how to unsubscribe anytime and I hope to fully switch to this soon!)

Finally but not least, I invite you to check all my offers and upcoming blog at my newly re-launched www.core2coeur.com website!

In joyful service to you and Life,

Mali Parke, CPC
Core Life Coaching | Collaborative Communication | Parenting & Education | Conscious Marketing
www.core2coeur.com

—-

Core To Coeur October 2012 Newsletter

Upcoming Events:

October 16 – December 4, 2012:  I am offering an 8-week coach-led parenting exploration series ‘From Power Struggles to Cooperation: Moving Towards Agreements That Work for the Whole Family**For the readers of this blog, I am extending the early-bird pricing to Tuesday October 9. Just mention this post to me if you want to sign up. Other discounts can apply.**

“Do you feel stuck when your child says no?  Are you puzzled by some of your child’s behaviors? Do you wish you could transform habitual reactions and have more creative space to connect through conflicts?

Come and get companionship in exploring the hopes and challenges of parenting today. In this 8 week exploration, we will look at seeing clearly beyond the surface at what motivates all of our actions and learn empathy skills to increase the quality of connection with the young people in our lives.”

The series will be held in the Bloomingdale neighborhood of DC, NW on Tuesdays from 6:30pm to 8pm, starting October 16th to December 4th.  See the flyer attached and thank you for forwarding it to friends and your local listservs!

Note: I am also open to talk to anyone who wants a similar series or daylong explorations in their local DC areas. Contact me to look at options!

October 21, 2012: The Peace Circle will have another social gathering for families and friends of children on Sunday Oct 21. We will enjoy some Fall Foliage and a potluck as well as potentially a hike. Stay tuned on Facebook or meetup.com for that information.

October 25, 2012: Empathy Café. For its third consecutive year, Empathy Café is a free monthly social gathering in which everyone is invited to share and discuss what is empathy, nonviolence, peace education, social change and more … and how to integrate it in our daily lives.

October 26, 2012: I will be manning a table representing the offers on Nonviolent Communication trainings by Capital NVC (www.capitalnvc.org) at the Georgetown University Wellness Fair. GUWellness is a Mind, Body, Soul university-wide initiative to provide GU faculty, AAP and staff with tools, resources and support to achieve their own wellness goals.

Recent News:

In August, I attended a 4-day training with Dominic Barter on Restorative Circles (www.restorativecircles.org).  Restorative Circles are used to restore connection, trust and allow for repair in disputes.  I have used a mini-version of this in my parenting for a couple of years and it’s a very empowering tool to help children navigate and transform conflicts between themselves. Here is a recent article about a mom who discovered Restorative Practices and how to help kids resolve disputes.  I will continue integrating what I learned on Restorative Practices and Circles in my parenting and non-parenting workshops.

In early September, I attended a deepening training at BayNVC in CA with Miki Kashtan on how to lead NVC workshops in a more principle-based teaching approach, leaving me energized and full of experiential ideas to present these concepts to you all. I am currently re-organizing all my offers in this light. It was also inspiring to meet Miki who continues to trigger curiosity in me each time I read her blog (http://baynvc.blogspot.com)

With the help of my friend Rhonda E., I organized a Peace Circle Camping Weekend at the beach for families around the theme ‘compassionate parenting’ and wow… what a weekend it was!  We were 23 families in total, over about 40 children and yet we were able to all find our own space and rhythms, some community times and circles, and had many offers from participants from ‘Playful Parenting’ to Tai Chi, to thai massage, to Simple Parenting discussions, to Reiki, yoga, empathic coaching and more…!  We are now thinking of making this an annual camping trip so stay in touch to know more!

Here is what a participant had to say after the weekend:

“From the moment I arrived at the campsite, I felt welcomed and valued equally with those who were more seasoned members of the group. Never before have I witnessed the sheer volume of sincere giving and truly open-hearted attitudes as I saw over this weekend. I can honestly say that every person I met and spoke with was sensitive and caring, well beyond the simple politeness that most of our society would consider caring.  […]

The amount of autonomy given to the children in their behavior and interactions was truly commendable and inspiring, and resulted in a weekend of play for the children at a level of cooperation and communication rarely seen. […] Thank you for witnessing a way of communicating that is worth exploring further.  Finally, thank you for providing a wonderful getaway in a safe, loving, accepting environment.” ~ Sara M. – Peace Circle Camping Trip 2012 Participant

On October 2nd, in honor of the UN Day of Nonviolence and Gandhi’s Birthday, I held empathic space for callers on a 24h Empathy Marathon with other trainers and facilitators. It left me filled with awe and an enlarged heart witnessing yet again the healing and transformative power of empathic listening.  If you are longing for a full taste of it, contact me to schedule a call!

Stay in Touch!

I am transitioning to use a mailing service that will let you choose how you want to receive further Core To Coeur – Mali Parke, CPC news and give you the option to unsubscribe anytime. I would love for you to sign up now so we can stay in touch!  I will not share your email address with any other provider nor use it for any other information than related to Core To Coeur services and news.

You can join by visiting my website here: www.core2coeur.com and enter your email address in the top right form on the home page.

I also invite you to check the various social medias where I post each week, including: Core to Coeur – Mali Parke, CPC and The Peace Circle – Compassionate Parenting Facebook pages where I post articles, pics and soon my own blog posts.

I would love to hear from you on how to better shape upcoming workshops (parenting or not) that will better meet your needs. Would you take one minute now to answer a few questions in my super-quick online survey here?

Gratitude and in joy to be of support and service to you and Life!