Jan 252016

Couple of weeks ago, I had the chance to attend the Blame Free State Intensive that Francois Beausoleil, a CNVC-Certified trainer I invited to come to DC. As I reflect back on all that I explored that weekend, I am grateful to have taken this time and got the support offered to keep digging in areas in my life where I hold Blame – whether onto myself, someone else or situations (or “Life”).

The retreat invited us to find where we had any ‘enemy images’ and work with the empathic support of a buddy to explore all that we want, all that it would do for us, what are the feelings and needs present both for ourselves and others and uncover what stops us from letting go of the Blame as well as powerfully rewrite the story.

I have shifted so much blame in my last few years, liberating myself from a weight and source of drain on my own energy. And yet this is a constant journey…

As situations arise and as relationships form, stretch or end at times, our mechanisms are strong to ‘protect’ and surround ourselves behind the walls of Blame, keeping ourselves ‘safe’ and attempting not to hurt in the face of the struggle.

Some cost of it is that we either numb ourselves to the hurt that is present (in ourselves or others), disconnect from others (or life energy), keep parts of ourselves small inside or even invisible. And it’s so draining… isn’t it?

In the years since I have learned about Nonviolent Communication, I now see the practice of shifting blame as a regular ‘relationship hygiene’ routine – as well as deep self-care and “patching the colander holes’ and ‘filling my cup’ strategy.

Do you relate?  If you are finding yourself ready for unloading or unblocking some Blame in your life, I invite you to “dare greatly” – as author and Blame Researcher Brené Brown says it – and get yourself the support and empathic holding of another to gently explore these protective layers and uncover the gems of that you are holding inside as well as what you are holding precious that stops you from letting go of the Blame. There is a way to hold both sets of needs equally valued within ourselves and our relationships.  We just sometimes need a little gentle care to go there.

Watch Brené’s talk on Blame through this animated video:

And I am delighted that Francois is planning to come back and offer his Blame Free State Intensive again Oct 6-8, 2016 as well as three other deepening days on Breaking Through Intense Enemy Images and private sessions with him. Registration will be posted and open soon.

And I’m always a phone call or visit away to give you my empathic presence and empowering coaching support as I have learned to receive it myself from so many supportive people in my life.

Mali Parke
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